Trust me

Are we learning anything yet?  Probably not, because most people are only looking for mindless entertainment rather than education, hence the success of the Big Bang Theory and the Kardashians.  That won't stop me from trying to accomplish both, so don't be intimidated by big words.  Did you know that as a journalist, I'm supposed to tailor my vocabulary to that of a 5th grader for you people?  Don't worry, I think more highly of you than that so I'll just be myself.  I'm feeling pretty guilty about not putting a Super Bowl prediction up, especially since I ended up nailing it... But you're going to have to trust me on that one.

Like most people, I am unable to see anything objectively and let emotions run my life.  That is why I chose the Ravens to beat the 9ers in a shootout (I prefer 9ers because it reminds me of Tommy Boy... Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?). I find myself sympathizing with John Harbaugh for a number of reasons.  For starters,  Jim is sooooo unlikeabaughl! Speaking from experience as someone who thinks he is better than everybody else, he needs to do a better job of masking it. You have no idea how little I think of you, and I pride myself on that (e.g.- lying to you in paragraph 1, you 5th grade reader).  A San Francisco fan rationalized this to me by saying that the legendary Bill Belicheck is also unlikeable, so he's fine with it.  The difference is that Belly is incapable of being liked because he is a robot void of all emotions, plus he wears sweatshirts with no sleeves.  Anyone else confused by that? I mean, it would be one thing if he was showing off his guns but he just seems to be making a mockery of everything that us humans consider holy.  Jim was clearly daddy's favorite and has a sense of entitlement because he was the star athlete of the family while big brother had to get by on lesser talents, like intelligence.  Why is it that John is always praising his brother's coaching skills, saying that Jim is the best coach in the league?  I'm not denying Jim's coaching skills, because he clearly is a genius when it comes to football and San Francisco will be a force to be reckoned with for years to come. But would it be so hard to give credit where credit is due? John has been a stud coach from day one, but I doubt you'll hear that come from Jim's mouth.  As a side note, it's unfortunate when the main story coming from the Super Bowl are the coaches.  It's a good thing that the blackout swung the momentum completely, because this was shaping up to be one of the worst Super Bowls of all time.  Was anyone else thinking that somewhere in New Orleans, Brad Pitt and George Clooney were pulling off some huge heist thanks to Don Cheadle sending an EMP through the stadium?  Also, I don't want to hear about the holding call at the end of the game.  The referees were consistently letting them play, and I loved it.  The physicality was unlike anything I had ever seen.  How about the late hit on Flacco? Or the re-routing of Torrie Smith on what could have been a touchdown on the second drive? It was consistent, so shut up.  I'm glad the Ray Ray got to go out on top, because he is the greatest middle linebacker the game has ever seen and is an all-time great competitor.  If you're looking to professional athletes to be role models, than you are too stupid to emulate anything that a true role model should portray.  The only thing you should learn from professional athletes are that even if you are the most talented individual in the world, you still have to work harder than everyone else if you want to be the best.  I mean if you're not using deer antler extract, then you're not trying hard enough.  Jamarcus Russel could throw the ball 8,000 yards from his knees! Did anyone wonder how he developed that talent? Too lazy to stand and throw?  Or maybe because it's easier to have someone shove cheeseburgers from the kitchen table into your mouth if you're on your knees.  He wasn't willing to put in the work.

Much has been made of Brat Farve and Aaron Rodgers' handshake.  I personally think that Benedict Brit thought that he was in the picture by himself and Rodgers was going for one of his patented photobombs.  It was strange seeing them together, almost polar opposites.  One is a class act, the other is an ass hat.  One put the team on his back and carried a mediocre defense to a Super Bowl win, the other depended on Reggie White, Desmond Howard, and the number one defense in the league to help overcome his mistakes.  One is a Super Bowl MVP, the other thinks he has the most valuable penis and is one of the few athletes ever to get tattled on for trying to be unfaithful to his wife.  Does everyone remember her?  Let me enlighten you.  At age 20, Deanna became pregnant and gave birth to Farv's daughter Brittany. As a single mother, she put herself through college while working various jobs.  Deanna said that ass hat often ignored her and Brittany, and she described him as "loud, rough, and often hateful" but attributed it to his painkiller addiction. Deanna said she considered leaving dickhead but worried that his addiction might become worse if she left.  During his recovery, Brat proposed to Deanna. She questioned it at first, but agreed when ass hat went to get a marriage license and told her that she needed to come in and sign it.  Heartwarming, isn't it?  After being diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 35, she became a leading activist in the fight against the disease.  And then he showed Jen Sterger his penis.  What a surprise that Brat was surrounded by Vikings at the NFL award ceremony!  He simply was not given enough time in Minnesota to alienate himself from all of his teammates and fans... trust me on that one.

A quick note on the robot that is Bill Belicheck-- he's overrated.  Let's see how he fares without Marsha Brady, because he wasn't much before he lucked into perhaps the best quarterback of all time.  His lack of emotions have been the reason for his success as a GM, because he lacks something that most people have:  Loyalty.  He has never been loyal to anyone not named Marsha.  He will trade anyone at the drop of a dime, and his strategy is simple and has worked for years.  Trade for draft picks who can't negotiate contracts and handicap your salary cap.  Players who gave everything for him were gone at the drop of a dime.  Do we remember how this Wes Welker debacle went down?  Troy Brown played offense and defense for Super Bowl teams and was cut out of the blue.  Brady has been the only thing keeping that team afloat.  Plus they cheated, which didn't hurt either.

At the expense of being labeled a prisoner of the moment, I think you can easily put Flacco in the top 5 qb's in the league.  He is being compared to Eli, which is not something anyone should ever have to put up with.  You're only as good as your last game, right?  We saw Rodgers elevate his game to a ridiculous level during the playoff run, and the confidence he gained from that run carried over to the next season when he had arguably the greatest regular season of any quarterback ever.  Don't be surprised to see Flacco have a monster year next year.

There are a few basketball related predictions that I nailed that I also feel I should take credit for.  Now for the record, I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong because it means that I am one step closer in my quest to know everything.  It's just that I have a hard time remembering those occasions... the brain is funny like that.  The first was James Harden.  I predicted that he would be a first-team all NBA this year.  That basically means that he is the best shooting guard in the league.  Fortunately this is different than the All-Star game where fans can choose, because fans know nothing.  I'm pretty sure Yao Ming is still the starting center for the west.  Kobe and D Wade have had more accomplished careers and are better at their respective skills, but Harden overall is better right now.  Put Harden on the Lakers and that team is well over .500.  People have irrational loyalty to their favorite players and can't see things objectively, but I can because I love Harden. Wade is the better defender, Kobe is better at fadeaways, but there is nothing that Harden can't do on offense and is well above average on defense.  I may end up being wrong because if the Lakers make the playoffs, Kobe may end up getting grandfathered in (pun intended) because he learned how to play team basketball.  It's always impressive when an old dog learns new tricks.  But Harden is still better, and deserves to be recognized as the best shooting guard in the league.

The second prediction was that the Warriors were going to be great this year.  I only had to take one look at their roster after the draft to see that they are too talented to be bad.  If I've learned anything from the Spurs, it's that depth and teamwork will always translate to success.  Every one of the warriors bench players could start, and most have started, on other teams.  Every draft pick was a major hit.  They lost Brandon Rush for the season, who was finally coming into his own early this year with a heavy dose of confidence, and they still are one of the deepest teams in the league.  Every player in their starting lineup is a willing passer who can shoot.  They truly are a younger version of the Spurs. They've done all of this without Bogut, one of the best centers in the league (and another willing passer).  I had no idea Mark Jackson would be so successful as a coach so soon, but he has them buying into whatever he's selling.  They are one of the up-and-coming teams in the league and will be around for years to come.  All of my said predictions can be verified by those within my social circles.  I promise I will be more forthright about putting them in the posts so that you can squeal with delight if I happen to get something wrong... starting next time. Trust me.