I know, I spoil you. I am in no way setting the precedent of dropping knowledge on you every two days but I am gathering a following comparable to that Footloose guy's rival in the epic new series on Fox. Needless to say, women are stabbing themselves in the eye because they need more.
I'll start with why buying jerseys is always a terrible idea. Unless it's a really small one that you claim you had as a kid but you secretly just bought to make your muscles look huge. Greg Jennings just put his Wisconsin house on the market, so obviously he's planning on upgrading to something across the street from Lambeau to shorten his commute. I think most Packer fans understood that he was expendable when Cobb dominated the slot and James Jones sprouted some hands this year. Jer will be the other threat (in theory) over the middle, and that's all the Pack need. Jennings is most effective going over the middle, although my fondest memory of Gregory will always be the overtime game in Denver when Brent threw the bomb down the sidelines to win it. There's much talk that he will end up in purple, which would make sense because it would be a terrible fit. Percy Harvin is essentially Randall Cobb. Jennings and Harvin are both beasts in the slot who should not be lining up outside. Add Rudolph (monster) to the mix and the middle of the field is clogged. Now factor in the that the Vikings' best quarterback, Adrian Peterson, will be gashing teams up the middle and we have a mosh pit on our hands. I'm curious to see if Jennings respects the game enough to not sign with a division rival. I think most people know how I feel about Benedict Brit's decision to go purp. Viking fans and devoted Farve fans can try and justify it all they want, but I think that his actions are pretty indicative of a selfish, egotistical douche. That's not open for debate.
Since we're talking about the Packers, I'll tell you why I'm not too concerned about losing a stud like Jennings: The offense was never our problem. I'm not sure how Dom Capers has completely escaped criticism over the past couple years. Does he get a pass because a sub-par defense did just enough to not blow Aaron's historic and single-handed Super Bowl run? There have been injuries, but the defense has been inexcusably gashed when it counts. I think most of us thought that when Woodson and Matthews came back, that they would magically go back to allowing 800 yards a game but forcing that crucial turnover down the stretch. How do people justify the bend-but-don't-break defensive strategy? "I've got it, it's so simple... We lull teams into a false sense of security by not trying and letting them march up and down the field but when the game is on the line, we let them throw an interception or fumble it into Clay's waiting arms!"
Kobe Bryant has recently revolutionized basketball by discovering the secret to beating double and triple teams-- step back, contested three pointers! Making 25 percent of these makes him unguardable... Actually after what has seemed like years of hearing about the Lakers' inability to play defense, offense, and tic-tac-toe without a soundbite from Kobe, they seem to have turned a corner. Kobe has apparently decided to trust this rag-tag group of bums that they have surrounded his greatness with. I mean, when the best shooter of all time's defender leaves him to double Kobe on the baseline, most players are taught to pivot out of bounds and shoot a fade-away shot over the backboard... so naturally it has taken some adjustment. And when Kobe turns the corner and the best finisher in the game's defender comes to contest, everyone's AAU coach teaches them to rise up over that chump so you can get the three-point play and a spot in ESPN's top ten. Don't get me started on Pau, why can't that pussy just put on his big boy pants and play through planter-faciatis and tendonitis in both knees? Is it sad that I am surprised that he realized he could actually try passing out of a triple team? And now he's being branded as a modern Magic Johnson because he tried passing for two games... Get real.
I am grateful for the Kardashians because they have exposed the masses for the idiots that they truly are. I'm not saying you are stupid for watching the show (it goes without saying) but it has been interesting to see the reaction to Kris Humphries. I recently went to watch the Timberwolves play the Brooklyn Nets, and I found it amusing that Kris, the Minnesota native, was viciously booed without mercy. Did it really take a useless show to expose a professional athlete as stupid, self-centered, rude, and basically possessing every undesirable quality a person could have? SHOCKER! These people stopped learning as freshman in high school when they realized that school is for suckers. They don't need social skills, they are worshiped by homies and chickenheads. It is the sole reason why I will never have a twitter, I don't need to know the level of stupidity of these morons who make more money while raping some girl at a night club than I will make in my lifetime. I try to live in blissful ignorance keeping in mind that they are gladiators who destroy their bodies for our amusement and are rewarded handsomely for it. At least we can take comfort in the fact that football players will likely kill themselves from the devastating brain injuries that they suffer on a week to week basis.
Not that I know anything about hockey, but I have a message to Minnesota Wild fans... RELAX! 6 games in and I hear so called experts talking about being at a point of desperation. There is a universal truth about sports... when you bring in a bunch of elite talent with egos to boot, it takes time to mesh. We saw what happened with the Eagles, and they simply were not given the time or coaching to gel. Do people remember the beginning of the big 2's adventure in Miami? It was rocky to say the least. But I guess that's a bad example because they didn't even win the championship in their first year. Teams trying to incorporate new all-stars are at the biggest disadvantage from a lockout-shortened season because of the lack of training camp. Have some patience.
Since I'm slamming Minnesota fans, I have something else for you: The Gophers are bad at basketball. First off, Tubby is overrated. He won a championship in his first year in Kentucky, with all of Rick Pitino's recruits, and has done nothing since. Second, the team has elite talent in Rodney Williams and Mbakwe but they can't create their own offense. The backcourt can score, but are not true point guards who can get players the ball where they need it and if that is the case, then it is up to the coach to design an offense to do it for them. Not going to happen, the Big 10 is too deep and they are likely to be NIT bound again.
Try not to harm yourself until my next post. Sorry if this was a little more harsh than the last one, but such is the world in which we live. PEACE AND LOVE!
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